College Credit: How to Seriously Piss Me Off 101… @ 02:59 am
1. Say that my friend’s dog is fat after only hearing his breed & weight. (Bonus asshat points if you have no understanding of the actual breed in question while maintaining that you have breed knowledge superiority and then continue to demonstrate that you have no clue about the breed by railing against his weight.) If you took the time to listen to the other stats of the dog, you would know that he is taller and longer than you “thought he should be.” He is a brick-shithouse of a hound that gets more workouts in during a week than I do. (I should really hit the gym to change that stat.) Solidly muscled dog with some wrinkly skin <> fat canine.
2. Tell me that I hate Pit Bulls because I had the audacity to say that “Pit Bull” is an amalgamation of multiple acknowledged breeds and/or a common (and unfortunate) labeling of well-established Bully breeds due to breed intolerance.*
3. Tell me that I hate Pit Bulls because I do not own one. WTF? Well, no, I don’t own a Pit Bull. Because I already have a dog that I inherited when my Mom died and one dog is my personal dog-owning limit. And no, he does not fall under the umbrella of Pit Bull by any stretch of the imagination. This is like saying I hate Black Rhinos because I don’t have one living in my backyard.
4. Tell me that I hate Pit Bulls because I would not go out of my way to adopt one, because I said, “I would look for a dog with a lower inherent prey-drive.” What can I say, in my mind knowing what breeds/mixes will work well or not well for you and your family makes you a responsible dog owner and not a hater.
5. Tell my other friend that you spent as much time on your hair as he did putting on a ballcap. Talk about LIES! Your head was a culmination of a good 20+ minutes of styling and product.
6. This is really the most important part, when my friend is saying, “I don’t want to talk to you anymore because you’re stressing me out,” and you talk about “alleviating the situation” and I tell you, “Yes, by leaving” and you Still Don’t Get It and continue on your bloviating bovine ways…
Then you have achieved a 4.0 in Pissing Me Off 101.
*Friend who has a “Pit Bull” totally agreed with me on this point. I’m not making this shit up!